Transitions in Adulting: The Messy Middle of Life
When I was younger, I thought “adulting” meant paying bills on time, managing a household, or figuring out a career. Now, at this stage of adulthood, I am playing multiple roles at once, often in competing directions, and realizing it’s much more complex.
I’m at the stage of life I like to refer to as the messy middle: parents with increasing health concerns, one of living with Alzheimer’s AND kids from elementary school through a soon to be college graduate. That’s just our personal life. Of course there is also the balance of my work life, which I love and am passionate about.
This season is a collision of beginnings and endings all at once, FULL of transitions. William Bridges’ framework of Endings, the Neutral Zone, and New Beginnings gives language for what this messy middle feels like.
The Ending: Accepting What No Longer Is
Adulting at this stage means acknowledging a variety of endings: my mom who is changing on a regular basis, kids who are leaving the house redefining our daily rhythms.
Endings in adulting don’t always come with big celebrations or acknowledgements, sometimes they show up in the gradual realization that life has changed, and it won’t be going back to what once was.
The Neutral Zone: Living in the In Between
In this period of adulting, the Neutral Zone is my day to day. In this space, there is the juggling of the realities of Alzheimer’s, supporting my kids in their very different life stages, and showing up ready to engage my work with enthusiasm every day.
The Neutral Zone feels very messy at times. It doesn’t have clear answers. This in between season requires flexibility, humility, and grace for myself and for others. It’s a state of living in BOTH/AND: grief and gratitude, endings and beginnings, responsibility and fun.
The New Beginning: Slowly Redefining Adult Life
Even in the midst of the Neutral Zone, I can see new beginnings taking shape. I see it when my children step into independence and I get to witness the adults they’re becoming. I see it in the moments with my mom, putting a puzzle together. I see it in the way my youngest makes me laugh so hard day after day.
I am learning that the new beginning this stage of adulting isn’t about arriving, it’s about learning to live with complexity, and to keep moving forward. When we find meaning in the middle of responsibility, resilience grows in the spaces we once thought might undo us.
Closing Thoughts
Adulting in this season feels less like mastering life and more like holding it together. It’s layered and complicated, but it’s also full of opportunities to love, to grow, and to discover strength we didn’t know we had.
As I reflect on this messy middle, I see both endings and beginnings all around me. It is not neat or simple, but it is shaping me into someone more present than I once was.
An Invitation for Reflection
If you are navigating the messy middle of adulting, take a few quiet moments to reflect:
What endings am I facing in this season, even the ones I didn’t expect?
How is the “in between” stretching me, exhausting me, or teaching me?
Where might small new beginnings already be showing up, even in the hardest places?